I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
