Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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