Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she peed on how many people?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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