For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
