I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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