You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
