theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
