STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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