i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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