If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize