I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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