6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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