I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
