shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
