operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize