I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
