I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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