Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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