I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
