Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
