I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
