..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
