Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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