it wasn't lemon gatorade
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
