He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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