kristin has been a bad kristin
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
