that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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