ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
