You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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