Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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