just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
