Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
