I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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