Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
