pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
