so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
