Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
