Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
