i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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