I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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