she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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