My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
