hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
