I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
