There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Randomize
