I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
just tell him i said nine months
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
