ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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