tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
