Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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