I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
