I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Two words: blizzard sex
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
