The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
