This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
