Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
