think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
