she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
