I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
you never un-have a 4some
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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