Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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