I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
