My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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