In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
