toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
