Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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