i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize