I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
