Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
