Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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