he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
