i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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