You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
