she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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