oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
