I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
