Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
