Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I need to align my fucking chakras
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
