fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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