I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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