Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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