I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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