Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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