Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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