I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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